Too long has my life been lived in total dullness. Or that’s what I thought. Or maybe I was just being oddly apathetic. Ego crept inside every micro-inch of my brain cells telling me, “been there”, “done that”, “not interested”. With that in place, surely there’s no room for new excitements and anticipations. Hence, the dullness of my life. So that’s what I thought.

Routines were my greatest enemy and also my best friend. Passion was something I did as a note to myself that, “I’m the coolest dude in the world”. A note, just to myself and no one else. Then there was the, “I’m just another headcount among the other 6 billion souls in this world” mumbo jumbo. Imagine yourself saying out loud these two contradicting phrases at the same time. It can drive a person crazy. Well, nobody can literally do that anyway.

And money. Well, money can buy stuff. Everybody knows that.

Then recently came this pesky feeling of overwhelmness. Do take note that the overwhelmness in its own entity was a good thing, a great thing. No, a lovely thing. Pesky, in the sense that I became a dork because of it. I reacted idiotically in certain situations. I became clumsier with the words I spit out in conversations. I talked to myself more often than I should have. Hell, I even shaved my face more often than usual.

What’s with the whole dorkiness business? Is it because I’ve turned 30 today? But somebody told me that Johnny Depp during his late 20s stated in an interview that he can’t wait to turn 30. So, that should not be it. Yeah, you don’t have to remind me, I’m no Johnny!

Ah, the overwhelmness.

Lucky I realized that beyond the recent dorkiness, the overwhelmness has made me into a better person. A better person that can cancel out the first two paragraphs of this entry. Or maybe it’s because of the month of Ramadhan. People became temporarily better than usual during this holy month. No, I don’t think it’s because of that. Not to me because the goodness effect of this overwhelmness seemed permanent. I hope.

Something is behind all this. I wonder what. Or maybe I just want to enjoy it all without really looking for an answer.

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