The hot list keeps on growing but should it really bother the tiger? He has been whipping the iron since he was 3 years old (or was it 2?). And he has made it to the pinnacle of the tremendously boring sport. So honestly, in my opinion, he’s in this shithole because he had lost his period of adolescence. He has no childhood friends. He didn’t even get invitations to parties, not until he became famous. And furthermore, a Swedish blonde marrying a black guy with a Thai mother and is really good in playing golf? Get out of here! What if Tiger was just a high school janitor who occasionally plays golf?

If I were to give advices to the tiger I would firstly tell him to be friends with David Letterman. Do a tell-all interview. Have a whole episode with just Dave and Tiger. And of course Paul and the CBS Orchestra. Name the episode “The Late Show with David Letterman: ‘Tis Just Tiger”. Tiger needs a friend that understands the need to spread the love. They can trade notes and poke fun at each other’s expenses. Do it all out without the tears or guilt. Which reminds me, Tiger, stay away from Oprah, her tears-cursed couch and her overly enthusiastic audience.

Secondly, enroll yourself in a sex addiction clinic. There’s no shame in doing so. David Duchovny did it. Michael Douglas did it. Even the obnoxious Russell Brand did it. I’m pretty sure that deep inside Tiger was a Russell Brand quote, “Fame is a Wonka golden ticket to the pussy factory”. I know I’m right and I understand you.

So, major sponsorships are withdrawing. Well, I’m sure there are new opportunities looming behind this (over-rated) mishap. The picture below explains it all.

tiger rubber

Finally, get back on course man! The good guys are always backing you up. The PGA awarded you player of the year and Associated Press named you ‘Athlete of the Decade’. Just do what you always do and continue to be good at it. Occasionally, you could drop by the LPGA events and be a guest commentator or a volunteer caddy. I think it’ll be a good thing, Tiger, lady golfers & 18 holes.

The bottom line, move on you boring people!