It was at night and apparently I was walking down the road for some reason which I barely knew. I couldn’t remember the characteristics of the surroundings well. I couldn’t remember whether if it’s cold or not, or whether if there’re people around. All I could remember was that it was dark and the road was straight, leading towards total blackness. Then from far ahead, bright headlights from a vehicle gradually glared my eyes, approaching towards me. An expensive SUV pulled over on my left hand side, its window screen slowly lowered, revealing a familiar face, a face that should have surprised me. However, it was like I expected it to be her. Yes, her. A person that I hadn’t thought about for a long time.

She invited me in. I asked no questions, placed myself comfortably in the front passenger seat, fastened my seatbelt and she started driving.

Our journey was accompanied by a very pleasant conversation. It was not like a catching up chat, but more like a normal day-to-day, pleasurable conversation, the kind that people do, enjoying quality time together. I made jokes and she laughed, she teased me and I threw a fake sulk, in which she returned with comforting affectionate words. We were happy, like we once felt, or at least like I once felt.

It was like nothing perilous ever happened to us.


I woke up aggressively from my sleep. It was still dark. I didn’t know what time it was. My heart was beating fast. There were drops of sweat on both sides of my temples. I was angry, very, very angry. I threw away the pillows to the floor. I hurled my thick blanket to the dressing table. Bottles of cologne, deodorant and hair cream clattered. I hit the alarm clock on my bedside table with my right arm and it hurled directly towards the wall. Before it was broken to pieces, it told me that it was 5:45AM.

“Why did you come? Damn it, I’ve moved on! I knew I let go long ago. I’ve stopped thinking about you for a year now. And yet you came back! Why?! Damn it, you’re already married now! Why are you in my dream? Why?! Why are you tormenting me? Why now?!”


After Subuh, I went to get the broom. I’ve to clean up the mess I’ve made in my room before I go to work.