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Yes, I don’t have a facebook account. And I will not have a facebook account.

I don’t want to tell people what I feel at a particular moment. I don’t want people to tell me how they feel at a particular moment. I don’t want to tell people where I am at a particular moment and I don’t want people to tell me where they are at a particular moment. I don’t want to tell people what I’m doing and I don’t care what other people do at a particular moment.

My close friends told me to create a facebook account to keep in touch. Little did they know that I often phone them or text them from time to time, obviously to keep in touch. Those who I didn’t phone or text on a regular basis may not be my close friends, apparently.

My bubbly ex-boss (God bless him in his new company) told me that I will never have a girlfriend if I don’t have a facebook account. Respects aside, that’s the lamest statement I’ve ever heard.

Yet, that lame statement shook my principles and made me think twice.

It was said that one day, the great Ki Ageng Sela, the mighty lightning catcher of Mataram was carrying his prince on his shoulders in his courtyard. Apart from wearing only his cindai cloth, he did not forget to tuck his waranka ladrang, a Javanese blade on his sides.

That was when he encountered a man who runs amok breaking through the gates of his courtyard. The man was waving a machete while running directly towards him. It was not a problem at all for the great Ki Ageng Sela to confront the man, even with his prince on his shoulders. Within seconds, the man was lying in his own pool of blood with a waranka ladrang neatly embedded in his chest.

But in the process, Ki Ageng Sela tripped his legs on a pumpkin plant. In the event of falling down, Ki Ageng Sela with his reputation of being the conqueror of Mataram, Surakarta and Yogyakarta managed to stab the amok man. What he did not manage was to save his cindai cloth from dropping down to the ground.

There he was, lying stark naked beside the man he had just killed. The conqueror of Mataram, Surakarta and Yogyakarta.

He quickly picked up his prince, who was pretty much in vague of what had just happened, and ran towards his residence in embarrassment.

Along the way, the great Ki Ageng Sela, the mighty lightning catcher of Mataram, uttered cursing words of forbidding his male descendents to plant pumpkins while wearing cindai cloth.


“Oleh peristiwa tersebut maka Ki Ageng Sela menjatuhkan umpatan, bahwa anak turunnya dilarang menanam waluh di halaman rumah memakai kain cinde”.

I didn’t ask but a friend set me up with a girl. He showed me a picture of the girl and gave me the girl’s cell phone number. I started texting, reluctantly but hopefully. The whole texting session lasted for about 2 days. I gave up.

I didn’t understand most of the things she said.

In the end, the last text I received being, “gedis tr cl sir”.

What the hell?!