When it first started happening around me several years ago, almost no one bats an eye. One would suddenly order a takeaway of Mee Goreng, and left for home from the weekly guys-night out. It was for the wife, the guy said. Well, it seemed pretty harmless. I mean, what’s wrong with that right? But somehow I felt a little sceptical about it. That was then.

As the years passed, most of the guys got married and the weekly guys-night out became a scarce occasion. Nevertheless, we somehow managed to at least make it a monthly gathering. A bunch of guys, loafing at a mamak joint until 1 or 2 o’clock in the morning on a Friday or Saturday night; drinking glasses after glasses of non-alcoholic beverages and talking about either utter bullshit or reminiscing about things that happened between them 20 years ago. It was a real joy. The only joy for some pathetic people, but that’s a different story altogether.

As it often happens nowadays, at approximately 11:00 PM, text messages started to rain into most of the guys’ mobile phones. Then, one would call for the waiter and order a takeaway of Maggi Goreng. Another would order a takeaway of Mee Goreng. Another would order Roti Canai. Kuey Teow Goreng. Roti Naan. Or whatever. All takeaways are for the wives. When the orders came, it was time for them to go home, leaving me and a few others to continue the fight in utilising our rights as free men. But if I was the only one left, I guess it’s time for me to go home as well.

But seriously, it’s not about the food at all! Do women eat Mee Goreng at midnight? I don’t think so.

This tactic is pure evil. And this is now.

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